


the last word (hold on)

by peachyly



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Divergence - Captain America: The First Avenger, Ficlet, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, actually just where he never gets it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 06:58:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15067679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachyly/pseuds/peachyly
Summary: when steve never gets the serum or shipped off to war, instead gets a letter with bucky's last words.





	the last word (hold on)

**Author's Note:**

> very much inspired by not easily conquered/the thirteen letters by dropdeaddream and whatarefears.

 

 

 

 

_Steve,_

 

_I can only hope this letter never makes it to your hands because if it does it means that I’m dead._

_You gotta know that you were my best friend. Call me a sap but even if I die as I write this and they bury me where I drop, you'll always have been my pal. I'm sorry that I never told you how much you meant to me before now._

_You were my family. We both never really had parents, my Pa was always at work and your Ma passed when you were young, but we always had each other. I hope that wherever I end up, I never forget your spitfire of a soul._

_I can't say I regret enlisting and I know you'll hate me for saying it but I'm damn glad that they didn't let you in. You don't need to see the injustice over here,_ there's _enough of it back home._

_Stevie, I know I ain't no saint but I want you to know I've been using that rosary your Ma gave me every day praying for you. A wonderful woman she was, I can't wait to see her again._ Hopefully _I’ll make it to wherever she is._

_I want you to live a good life without me. Work hard and keep going to school, you're going to make it big someday. Know that I'll always be with you. I believe in you._

_Try not to worry so much, the war's ending soon, I can almost taste it. I may not be coming home with it but I fought with everything I had to make you proud._

_Stay away from bullies, there's no need to have the last word._ _You know you have a brain and a half more than them._

 

_Your Friend,_

_-Bucky_

 

 

 

Steve's trembling hands slowly tore through the tattered envelope, a slip of paper falling mindlessly to the ground as he grabbed the folded pages inside. It had been months since Bucky's last letter. He knew what was coming.

 

Opening it up to find neatly printed words on crinkled paper, he read. Tears fell as he continued, the words, "You were my family," bringing the taste of bittersweet memories.

 

With every breath, Steve's chest ached.

 

He picked up the fallen piece. It was in worse shape than the letter and covered in Bucky's unmistakable frantic messy writing.

 

  

_Steve,_

 

_I had to trade Miller my last few cigarettes to make sure that I could get this in here, so listen close._

_You've always been the most important person that has ever been in my life, including Becks and my Ma. Maybe I shouldn't say that but it's the damn truth. You were the only one I always had._

_And I promised myself I wouldn't die without telling you this, so here it is. I'm a queer._ Sorry _it took so long for me to say, I never really knew how to get the words out. I’m a coward but so I know you’re a good man, so I hope it doesn't change what we had before._

_Here's the thing Stevie, I've loved you for as long as I can remember. I know you never felt the same but you were the beat in my heart and the breath in my lungs. You were the one thing that kept me going. But above everything, you were always my best friend._

_So please, hold on for me. Live as well as you can and know that I'll always stand by you, until the end of the line and forever._

_Yours,_

_-Bucky_

 

 

 

With a bitter laugh, he clenched the paper in his hand, the cruel realization crushing him.

 

Steve knew there was nothing left for him without Bucky. He was his lifeline, his one good thing.

 

Swallowing his grief, he headed for the bridge downtown. He needed to see him again.

 

 

And as he fell, the thrashing waves below him appeared gentler, four words on his lips.

 

 

I love you too. 

 


End file.
